This is where the phrase “Camp With Mom and My Annoying Friend Who” becomes a full-blown reality TV show.
My mom is a camping ninja. Within fifteen minutes, she had the tent staked, the sleeping bags rolled out, and the fire pit ready. She moved with the quiet efficiency of someone who has been doing this since the 90s.
Chloe, meanwhile, stood in the middle of the site holding her phone to the sky, walking in slow circles.
Chloe: "I have zero bars. Like, zero. How do we post our Stories?"
Me: "Chloe, we're in a national forest."
Chloe: "That doesn't sound legal."
She then spent the next forty minutes trying to “commune with nature” by spraying lavender essential oil on every rock near the tent. My mom, who is allergic to strong fragrances, started sneezing uncontrollably.
I wanted to crawl into the cooler.
This is where "Camp With Mom and My Annoying Friend" transforms into a horror movie.
At 10 PM, your mom falls asleep instantly. She does not snore. She saw logs. It is a low, rumbling noise like a truck stuck in mud.
At 10:15 PM, Alex starts whispering.
Alex: "Are you awake? I think I heard a raccoon." You: "Go to sleep." Alex: "What if it’s not a raccoon? What if it’s a skinwalker? I watched a video. Do you think this land is sacred? We should apologize to the trees." You: "Go. To. Sleep." Alex: "I have to pee. Will you come with me? I’m scared of the dark. Also, your mom snores. Should we wake her up to check if she’s breathing?"
You do not sleep. You lie on your inflatable mattress—which Alex accidentally deflated while trying to "fluff it"—and stare at the tent ceiling, fantasizing about your own bedroom, your weighted blanket, and the sweet silence of solitude.
Camp Wildwood: Three’s a Crowd
A sarcastic teen stuck at summer camp with their overbearing mom and their loud, hyperactive best friend discovers that “annoying” might just be the key to surviving the wilderness—and their own fears.
Sunrise comes. Your mom wakes up refreshed and annoying chipper. -ENG- Camp With Mom and My Annoying Friend Who ...
Mom: "Who wants pancakes? I brought the cast iron skillet!" Alex: "I’m gluten-sensitive today."
Today. Not yesterday when you ate gas station pizza. Today.
Your mom tries to make gluten-free pancakes using a frisbee as a plate. Alex pokes at the food and asks, "Is there dairy? I’m also dairy-sensitive on Tuesdays."
You eat a granola bar in the woods, alone, pretending to look for firewood just to get away from the conversation about Alex’s "chakra alignment."
So, what did I learn from my experience to Camp With Mom and My Annoying Friend Who tested every nerve I have? This is where the phrase “Camp With Mom